


A Pretty Color

by achickpeasalad



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Colors, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Forbidden Love, Heartbreak, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24015457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achickpeasalad/pseuds/achickpeasalad
Summary: Blue is such a pretty color. It looked good on his mother. It made him look washed out. That's why he could never be a pretty color.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	A Pretty Color

**Author's Note:**

> "You were red, and you liked me 'cause I was blue. But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky. And you decided purple just wasn't for you."  
> Colors by Halsey

‘The roast is in the oven, the potatoes are keeping warm on the stove, we got the good Scotch this time. Everything’s going to be perfect. Oh, and, Grimm? Please be on your best behavior tonight.’

‘Hm?’

‘Did you hear me, Grimm?’

Blue eyes mirroring his bore into him. His mother smiled condescendingly. ‘Don’t embarrass me, hm, Grimm honey?’

He forced a smile. ‘Of course.’

She turned back to the vanity mirror, brushing out her curled hair. ‘Keep that son of his busy, too.’

His heart leaped into his throat. _Shouldn’t you be trying to win him over, too?_

The bell rang. He saw her breath hitch. ‘Could you get that, Grimm honey? Mama still has work to do.’

Probably take her Valium. He tucked his shirt in.

‘Grimmjow! How’s it going, m’boy?’

‘Hi, Mr. Kurosaki.’

‘Hey, don’t be shy! Call me Isshin. I’ve been dating your mother for over a year now so we’re not strangers. Right, Ichigo?’

‘You might be trying too hard, Dad.’ The orange-haired youth leaned forward and patted Grimmjow’s shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Grimm, you don’t have to.’

His voice was warm and affectionate, like a morning sun with all its colors. It always thawed his icy heart whenever they met, making him smile genuinely. Even though he knew it was wrong.

‘It’s all good, Mr. Kurosaki.’ He reached over and playfully punched the older man’s arm. ‘Can I get you anything to drink? We can sit in the living room until mother-’

‘-Arrives fashionably late as always.’ His mother stood in the doorway, looking so well put together, all the cracks sealed and hidden from view.

Isshin grinned, his eyes lighting up. ‘And always looking beautiful, might I add.’

She blushed a pretty color. Something Grimmjow was devoid of. He could never be a pretty color.

'Shall we?' Isshin gestured to the dining room, offering his arm to her. She graciously took it, letting him lead her, her eyes glowing. She was hopelessly in love.

'Hey.' Ichigo nudged him, grinning sheepishly and joking offered his arm. 'Shall we?'

Ah, yes. He was supposed to be on his best behavior today. Which meant hiding his feelings. All of them. 

* * *

‘This is delicious,’ Ichigo remarked, taking a bite of the chicken. He smiled at Grimmjow. He was smiling a lot today. Grimmjow was afraid they might notice. 

‘It’s a little dry.’ He could feel his mother’s blue eyes boring into him again. ‘I left it too long in the oven so that’s my fault.’

‘Nonsense!’ Mr. Kurosaki barked, taking a huge bite. He squeezed Grimmjow’s mother’s hand. ‘It’s the best roast I’ve had!’

She giggled. Grimmjow and Ichigo looked at each other and rolled their eyes. That made them smile. It was fun when they shared moments like that. A secret. Something Grimmjow was pretty good at keeping now.

‘I’m glad you like it, Mr. Kurosaki.’

‘So, Grimm, can I call you Grimm?’ Isshin remarked.

‘Dad, don’t-’ Ichigo groaned.

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind at all, Mr-ah, Isshin.’ He was always looking out for Grimmjow, always sensitive to his needs. His heart panged with guilt.

‘Call me Isshin.’ A sip of water. ‘Ichigo tells me you’re a good student. What colleges are you looking at?’

‘I haven’t really…I was just thinking of taking photography workshops and getting a certificate.’

‘What? Why? Smart kid like you?’

‘Well, I don’t want to make my mother pay so much…’

‘We can’t afford a proper college at the moment,’ she quickly added. ‘It was Grimm’s idea so at least he isn’t wasting away. He’s awfully good at taking photos. I’m sure he can freelance.’

Grimmjow saw Ichigo's hand jerk forward, like he was trying to hold Grimmjow’s hand across the table. He silently pulled his hand back. He hoped the adults weren't paying attention.

Mr. Kurosaki sipped his drink, frowning. ‘I suppose that’s the best move. Still, it seems unfair...’

Grimmjow felt a foot rub against his. ‘I’ll go get dessert,’ he blurted, getting up quickly to head to the kitchen.

He leaned over the sink, trying to still his heart. He wasn’t used to this. It was strange to be cared about like that. He didn’t resent it. But…he knew it was _wrong_ to like it. Ichigo was just…

‘Hey, did I do something wrong?’

He could see the orange-haired teen reflected in the window.

‘…No.’

‘You’re acting like I did.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He turned around, trying to smile. He could tell it looked forced. ‘I know you’re just looking out for me. It’s just…I felt very exposed back there.’

He didn’t like sharing his personal struggles. But after a year, him and Ichigo had gotten close. Closer than he could’ve imagined. It all happened when the feelings started to blossom. He noticed it in little ways. Like the way Ichigo smiled at him, would try to touch Grimmjow in some way, would conjure up some excuse to be near him. He knew what was going on because he had been doing the same thing.

‘I wont talk about you with my dad if that’s what makes you uncomfortable.’

There was a lump in his throat. ‘No, that’s fine. I just…I know at some point we won’t be just… classmates.’

Silence. ‘…yeah.’

Ichigo was terribly close. He could count the freckles on the boy’s face, see the streaks of brown in his irises. Those lips parted. Grimmjow felt his brain fire up, sending waves of panic through his body.

‘We can’t,’ he croaked.

Ichigo froze.

‘Boys, do you need help finding the dessert? I thought two heads were better than one!’

Peals of laughter rang out. Grimmjow could only imagine her putting a hand on his arm, throwing her head back to expose that lily-white neck and sharp collarbones. His stomach turned.

He pulled out the chilled mousse from the fridge, set in martini glasses. She always tried too hard. He smiled bitterly.

‘Let’s not keep them waiting.’

This was his reality, something he had accepted a long time ago. Ichigo wouldn’t get it. He thought it was possible but Grimmjow knew the truth. They could never be together. It would never work. It would feel too wrong. It was better for him to bury these feelings and pretend they never existed. Even though being near him made his heart sing and rip apart at the same time.

He walked in and halted. Something seemed off in the room. She was smiling too widely, her eyes too bright. Mr. Kurosaki was grasping her hand too tightly, his face beaming like a ray of sunlight.

‘Grimm,’ she whispered, hastily wiping the tears in her eyes. ‘Um, Mr. Kuro-I mean, Isshin…he…well…we…’

‘I proposed,’ Isshin laughed. ‘Can you believe it, Ichigo? I’m going to be the happiest man alive! Grimm, put that certificate out of your mind. I’m going to send you to the best college-!’

_CRASH!_

‘ _Grimmjow!_ ’ she shrieked, eyes wide in horror.

Grimmjow tried to speak but no words came out. He stumbled backwards, right into Ichigo. Firm hands steadied him.

‘That’s great, dad.’ His voice sounded hollow, hardly matching the happiness in his father’s tone. He started when Grimmjow pushed past him. ‘Grimm, wai-!’

He walked blindly, not knowing where he was going. He needed his safe zone. His room. He couldn’t breathe right now.

He covered his face, his eyes, his nose, trying to block out all senses. Why did he react like that? It was so stupid. He knew it was coming. He had accepted it. He’d even told Ichigo just now. It could never be. It was better this way. He had to be okay with it. He just _had to_.

Damn, why did it hurt so much though?

He could never be a pretty color like his mother, touched by the sun and soaking in its warmth. He would always travel beneath it, hidden in the shade, doomed to live in the cold. It was what he always deserved.

He felt a hand on his back. He jerked away, staring wild-eyed. Ichigo started, hurt in his honey eyes.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled. ‘I was just worried.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. It’s not your fault.’ Ichigo ran a hand through his hair. ‘Look, it’s not that bad. At least we have an excuse to hang out more.’ He grinned.

Grimmjow couldn’t return it this time. ‘I can’t do this, Ichigo.’

‘I’m not asking you to.’ He sounded tired and irritated now. ‘I care a lot about you, Grimm. I just want to see you happy.’

Grimmjow tried not to laugh. There was no way he could be happy after this. He was shaking. Oh God, this was wrecking him.

‘Hey, say something? What? Do I just not matter-?’ He touched Grimmjow.

‘Don’t touch me!’ Grimmjow snapped, shoving him off. The poor boy stumbled back into a nightstand, knocking down magazines. Polaroids slipped out between the pages. Grimmjow’s eyes widened in horror as he realized what they were. ‘Wait, don’t-!’

Too late. Ichigo picked one up. He stared at it for a good minute. Then at Grimmjow. His eyes looked haunted. His lips parted.

‘Ichigo! Grimmjow! Where are you?’

Isshin’s voice floated into the room from below. It knocked Ichigo out of his senses. He dropped the photo like it had burned him. The look of hurt was gone. It was replaced with betrayal and…disgust?

‘Ichigo-’

‘Don’t.’ His voice was icy. Devoid of emotion. Devoid of any color. ‘Just _don’t_ , Grimmjow.’

He walked out. Grimmjow squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his world collapsing around him. He glanced at the photos strewn on the floor. Each one the same but from a different angle, capturing that beautiful smile and warm eyes and vibrant colors.

Each one a perfect picture of Isshin Kurosaki.


End file.
